Friday, March 6, 2015

How to be a better wife and mother

When I first became a wife and mother. I had this ridiculous notion that I had to live up to the June Cleaver and other perfect wife stereotypes seen on TV.

Trying to cook, clean, run errands, do the little special things for my husband and son, always look perfectly groomed, be the perfect mother, perfect wife. Well I nearly had a nervous breakdown at 18.

Then something magical happened. I saw Roseanne on TV. I realized I wasn't a failure, perfection wasn't attainable. The Stereotype I had been fed was WRONG!!

Don't get me wrong She wasn't perfect either BUT that's when the message hit me. My husband didn't expect perfection and neither did my son. I was holding myself to the most unrealistic goal.

Once I accepted that I became a better wife and mother by accepting and loving myself.

Fast forward a few years and I now had 3 kids soon to be 4. I messed up and spoiled them.... They expected that every time I went to the store I would bring them a new toy or prize back. I saw the entitlement and hated it.

I decided to changed the rules up. No more toys or prizes unless earned by exceptional good behavior or by doing chores to earn them. They have daily chores based on age and weekly chores.

I had been overwhelmed trying to keep up with everything. I thought I had Maid stamped on my forehead.

Now they Do their chores and take pride in a job well done. (well all except one child he hates and actively avoids anything to do with work including the school work)

My eldest son (Henry 12) takes out the kitchen trash and washes the dishes after each meal.
My eldest daughter (Ilyana 8) takes out the little trash cans in the house and puts up laundry
My youngest son (Acheron 8) avoids work but is assigned cleaning his room and drying dishes
My youngest daughter Tabitha is now two and we are working on picking up her messes herself.

Thanks to this my to do list is shortened drastically and they take real pride in Earning their money.
They plot for weeks what they will be spending their own allowance on, no longer expecting mom to buy all their toys and whims.

They took the lesson a step further and started doing bake sales and cleaning neighbors yards to earn more money when the item they want costs more than their allowance or when their allowance has run out.

So please don't expect perfection from yourself, it is not possible.Help around the house doesn't have to be hired, teach the kids to pitch in and earn their stuff instead of expecting it to magically appear. This will reduce stress, self criticism, and your workload. Now you have time for that show you really wanted to see or that long soak in the tub.

What did you think of this posts? What would you like to read about Next? Comment or Email me!

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